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Stress v. Anxiety: What is the Difference and What are the Leadership Triggers?

According the American Psychological Association, there is a fine line between stress and anxiety. Stress is caused from an external stimulus such as; a deadline; fight with a partner, family member, or friend; or even a chronic illness. That means that stress triggers can be short or long term. Regardless of their duration, they evoke an emotional response. Anxiety does the latter also. But anxiety is something a bit different. It’s defined as “persistent, excessive worries that don’t go away even in the absence of a stressor.” Both stress and anxiety can conjure the same emotional responses: insomnia; digestive troubles; difficulty concentrating; fatigue; muscle tension; and irritability to name a few. If both stress and anxiety are mild, they can be managed in many of the ways I coach and advocate; intentionality in physical movement, nutritious diet, boundary setting, good sleep hygiene &c… However, anxiety can morph into anxiety disorder (a clinical diagnosis). 31% of Americans will experience this sometime in their lifetime, something that I’ve experienced myself. This requires the help of a mental health professional. If you feel like you cannot manage your anxiety, please call and set an appointment with a professional asap.

The Leadership Triggers of Stress and Anxiety

I’d like to preface this by saying that I could never list all the leadership career triggers for stress and anxiety. But I feel like there are some that we rarely discuss that have massive impacts.

• The Stories We Adopt as True for Us: Women, especially women of color, have grown up with a narrative that you have to be brighter, faster, smarter and work twice as hard for anything you achieve. Because, no-one really thinks you deserve it. By no-one I mean the patriarchal system, the water in which women all over the world swim in. That narrative is based on history. Because women and people of color had to fight, and die for fundamental rights to have a career and at times to even exist. All true. However, this narrative is dangerous. It forces the hearer into a lifetime of conscious and subconscious belief that no one feels they’re worthy of success. So they have to prove it. You do this by over-working, which ultimately involves unhealthy self-sacrifice. Good enough… isn’t good enough. Perfect is the only option. The problem is, is that perfect doesn’t exist.

• Woman as Primary Bread Winner. I have so many women friends who are leaders and are the primary bread winners in their households (whether they are solo, single family, or multi-family). This isn’t often talked about, because media still perpetuates the idea that women want and desire to be taken care of financially. Patriarchal cultures won’t acknowledge a growing number of men who are the secondary bread winners. Being a primary bread winner is stressful, anxiety inducing business. More often than not, our lifestyles keep pace or exceed our income. So often women as the primary bread winners, feel real stress and anxiety to keep up and even exceed their current salaries.

• The Empty Nest Syndrome. When women experience feelings of sadness, anxiety, and a sense of loss when their children move out, that energy needs to go somewhere. It could be inward. But as one woman at the conference told me, she directed it to work. She didn't lean in, she hammered through. It was a diversion that became very unhealthy for her. She stated it resulted in, as she described it: “losing her s!$%!” Something I’ve experienced also. While women often feel out of balance when they are juggling work and children, kids are often an unrecognized buffer to over work, over-proving, and perfectionism.

• Your Mother’s Financial Situation While You Were Growing Up. My parents were horrible with money. I can say that now as an adult. Plus as a child I was always acutely aware of the financial strain they were under, and what we did not have. When my father left my mother and me when I was 14, he left my mother with a Mount Everest amount of debt. As a result, some of our utilities got shut off. Then we eventually lost our home, and had to move in with my maternal grandmother. My mother has an Associates Degree, but worked in factories most of her and my life. I made an internal vow early on as a teenager, that I would never be at the money mercy of my husband or any man. Your story may not be as dramatic as mine, but women leaders often have financial stories and goals related to their mothers. While financial freedom is great, it can also lead to perpetual scarcity mindset given your mother’s financial history (which is also your own). So in order to earn enough, you work harder and try to climb higher for more. But you don’t realize that there will never be enough, no matter how much you make.

What Do We Do?

1. You need to acknowledge what you’re feeling. Is it mild stress or anxiety, or is it more than that?

2. Treat accordingly. Regardless of how you answer the question above you need to treat it, and accordingly. Mild stress and anxiety can be managed in a fundamental change of habits. I’m here to help with that. Anything more than mild, should be treated with the aid of a mental health professional.

3. Redefine leadership success. You must embrace that your leadership success needs to encompass your physical, mental, and emotional health. Anything less is not acceptable. As you strategize and monitor your career trajectory, you strategize your health along with it.

4. Know that Discomfort Means You’re Doing it Right. When you do the top three, you are going to feel extremely uncomfortable. Habits, no matter how bad or unhealthy they are, are comfortable. Humans love comfort. As you embark on the co-existence of your career and health, know that if it feels uncomfortable you’re probably doing it right.

5. Believe. You may not get 100% of what you believe for, but you will get 100% of what you don’t (believe for, that is). Take a leap and trust that you deserve a career or job that supports your mental, emotional and physical wellness. Have faith that you can get yourself there, despite what you may be experiencing or what you’re seeing.

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