No one likes to be rejected. I think for women it’s especially hard, because when we’re very young girls we’re taught that it’s important for people to “like” us. “Sugar and spice, and everything nice, that’s what little girls are made of.” Remember this? Unfortunately, there isn’t a lot of emphasis on the “spice” portion of that nonsense rhyme. For many women any outward rejection, is turned violently inward into self doubt and loathing. The common refrain is: “What’s wrong with me? What am I missing?” Let me help you. The answer to both is “Nothing!” Until we understand the latter to our core we’ll remain personally and professionally stagnant, because the fear of rejection will always outweigh the opportunities that lay underneath.

Women, regardless if we’re self employed or employed by an organization, want more for their lives. Often our professional growth and advancement is tied to this, because it means more money. However, you and I will never grow and advance at our desired rate, if we’re only willing to occasionally accept a rejection here and there. That’s because, rejection is the hallmark of professional success and we need to be seeking it out early and often.

Why You Need to be Seeking Rejections

When you seek out rejection you’re not only proving something to yourself, colleagues, bosses, and your industry; you are also gaining invaluable information.

1. Rejections prove to yourself that you’re going after what you need and want. It’s a not so subtle reminder that you’re chasing a dream, and you can rely on yourself to do what it takes to get there.

2. Rejections make you resilient. The more rejections you have under your belt, the faster you can recover from other rejections and setbacks; the less personally you’ll take future rejections; and the faster you can come to alternative solutions or necessary pivots. Resilient people, in general, are more successful people.

3. Rejections prove to your colleagues, bosses and industry that you know what you have to offer. It shows you and them ,you’re not afraid to offer yourself up. You’re serious about your advancement and being seen.

4. Rejections can provide insight into what’s not working or additional experience you need to gain. For this to be true however, you need to be able to ask the question, why. “Why did you reject me for this?” You also need to be able to trust the person who provides you the answer. Sometimes it’s not possible to learn why we’ve been rejected from something. However, if there is the slightest opportunity that we can, we should take it. I learned a long time ago that feedback should only be trusted, if it’s delivered from someone trusted. It doesn’t mean you have to know the person who is giving you the reason. Just tap into your instinct and knowledge to determine if you can trust this source, because not everyone will have your best interest at heart.

5. Rejections create opportunities. The fact is that you will never be rejected from 100% of the professional goals you go after. It’s a statistical improbability. The more you go after the more, the more you’ll get, even if your success rate is 1%. It’s simply a numbers game. However, when you go after nothing, you’ll get 100% of nothing.

How to Seek Out Rejections

1. Determine what skills or experiences you want in your career. Then look for or create opportunities to gain those things. Examples:

   • You could suggest or even take on a special project in your organization. If you want to be the lead, specifically state that.

   • You could volunteer your services to an organization, if you feel it will grow your experiential or professional skill set.

   • You could request to be on a panel or suggest one, You could even propose a continuing educational seminar for your industry.

How to Know If You’re “Doing It Right”

There are is no “right way” to pile up the rejections, or to know for sure if you have enough rejections.

1. My personal rule of thumb is that I should be putting myself out there, in a very uncomfortable (palms sweaty, I can’t do this! why am I doing this?) way; at least two days per week. My request should be very outside my comfort zone.

2. I write what I’ve done in my monthly calendar. This reminds me that I didn’t die by asking (a very common and ridiculous feeling we all have). It also shows me in one glance how courageous and dedicated to my goals (or not, if I let my fears or “busyness” drive me) I’ve been that month. It can be very rewarding and revealing.

What I have noticed, is that a rejection in a particular thing that used to hold me in the grip of fear is no longer a big deal. Start getting a rejection today, even if it’s something little! The sooner you start piling up the rejections, the higher and faster your career and confidence will fly.

See what Caroline Wanga, President and CEO of Essence Ventures and had to say about her need to seek out failures.

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